Do not forget, O my soul

Do not forget O, my soul, all of his wonderful benefits. Do not forget all He has done for you. He has taken you from the ashes and has seated you with princes. While you were an enemy of God, he said yes to you and said it is worth it, I will lay down my life for you. Do not think what you do, or what you have done, or even the attitudes of your heart can change his mind. You cannot change his feelings and thoughts towards you. It is finished. His mercy surrounds you. At all times. Goodness and mercy abound around you. Though you may not feel it at times, He has crowned you with loving kindness, and tender mercies. Remember, remember what He has done for you. How can this not cause utter praise? He has washed you. He has taken brokenness and made it into His treasure. I cannot even grasp or put this into words. Remember, O my soul, what He has done. Remember who he is. Even when your problems seem so big, or even when you feel so incomplete, so "unwhole", so broken, remember His mercy towards you. Remember what is already accomplishes through that cross. His mercy that surrounds you at all times. He has made you clean. Jesus. Remember how real He is. How what He did really happened, and is really true. It's not just an idea. remember the reality of where you were without Him. Remember the reality of His love, and what His love compelled Him to do. Remember His tender compassion. It so cannot be earned. Let your heart sit in that. Let it expand in His grace. Set your heart before Him and watch as these little life cares seem to fade, and His "bigness" His awesomeness takes over you. It puts things into perspective. It reminds you what you're living for. It reminds you who you are in Him. My heart finds it's home before His throne. How secure, how safe. How good He is towards us to offer that. To let our hearts find their home in Him. How good, tender, merciful and gentle. O, that my heart would forever remember His goodness towards me and what He's done. Words cannot earn it, good acts and attitudes cannot earn it. God is so good, do not forget. Look to your Maker. The next time the world spits something at you. Lord, teach me more of what you have done. Let my soul boast in you continually. Let it soak in your goodness. Let the walls of pride, inadequacy, striving to earn it come crumbling down. Give my heart and mind understanding. Jesus, is worthy of all of my praise. Always. He is enough. I am enough in Him because He says so. Jesus, I want my life to praise you and soak in your freedom. I LOVE YOU! And I know I've only scratched the surface of loving you and being loved by you. (Well in my mind). Thank you God. Continue to perfect my understanding by your grace. Perfect my praise by your mercy. Let me soak it AALLLL in. Show me how you've done it all.

Why worry...

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?...So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat? or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34.

It seems so simple: do not worry, everything is going to be okay. It's so true, I mean here we are, living in America, we've never REALLY had to worry about food, housing, or where our next meal is coming from. We don't really face too much eminent danger, so why do I worry? Why is it so hard to not be afraid of not knowing what the future holds? What is it that we're really afraid of?

This all came to my attention today as I was debating over my decision for my plans tonight. This happens often as decision making is often a bigger ordeal than it needs to be. I couldn't decide, and this often causes anxiety. And it's annoying. So I decided to pray, not really knowing what I was praying for. I tried my best to be anxious for nothing. Even though I know God will be with me in both circumstances, I often have trouble deciding what I want to do, what's the best decision etc. And even though it seems like it wouldn't be a big deal, idk maybe I think too far into things. :) Anyways, after that my mind jumps to a different "problem". Should I go on a trip during winter break? After going into all the details of all the different problems that could come of that or all the different possibilities and getting a bit anxious. What would happen if... or if I do this then... What if I am not wise and choose something bad...?

The song "It's all gonna be ok" by Jake Hamilton came on in my head. "If your eye is on the sparrow, then your heart is on me... It's all gonna be okay." Immediately I went to Matthew 6:25 (even though this isn't the verse that talks about sparrows, it always reminds me of it). THe thing that stuck out to me was the end where it talks about why worry about tomorrow? Really, He's going to be with us. I don't even need to be thinking or worrying about all the possible problems that could potentially arise in the future. Even during the day. Why worry? The fact that His eye is on the sparrow. He loves me more and I am more valuable to Him than whether or not I choose one thing or another. Whether or not I "fail" at anticipating or planning the right thing. I'm definitely still trying to understand this and let it lay hold of my heart, but the more I think about it, the more I trust Him. He doesn't want me to worry. I tried this today and it really was so much better! Way stinking more enjoyable when we don't get so caught up! Lord, let this verse rest deep inside of me :)

I mean, the bird is kinda cute, but really? :)

What the Lord is doing

Lately, life has been so crazy. My mind has been wrapped around so many topics and discovering so many new things and wrestling through a lot. God is just moving and I am trying to keep up. I am trying to make sense and understand so I will give this my best shot. First, of all, let me say it has been a struggle. There have been days where my mind scrambles to find something to hold onto. Some sort of truth that will get me through class or get me through each moment. Trying to find something to make moves towards God and seek Him. My mind is constantly wanting more, wanting to understand more, wanting to grasp more and take in everything I possibly can. This, as you may see, may get a little overwhelming at times and stressful. I think I am learning to move at the rhythm of God. The rhythm of His heart as Heidi Baker would say. You see there is just so much I need to know, so many spiritual strides to make, so many places I want to be and feel like I should be at but know Im not. What, Lord, do you have for me today? How can I chew on what I have and really digest it, but also continue seeking and learning and growing? Lord, I don't want to be stagnant! More, I don't want to fall behind and feel ashamed. Maybe I am trying to keep up with the pace of life all around me and make sure I keep moving growing and learning. Sometimes, it may feel like a rat race almost. Or i see it as that. How spiritual can I get? How many people are getting in the way of this? Almost brushing them off as if I didn't have time for them and they were a hindrance in my life. This, as you can see, is causing a lot of stress and confusion. I love the Lord so much and I know He loves me. As soon as I start to feel okay in one aspect of life I tend to blow it off and move on to the next or conquer the next subject of God. Teach me the way of the heart. Through this all here is what the Lord has been speaking to me: He loves me. In the midst of this just chaos almost and ups and downs, He is right by my side. Even as sometimes I writhe and wriggle through it, He is with me constantly throughout the day. He is quietly assuring me, it's okay, you can listen in class, you can open up to what they are speaking and learn from it. He has blessed me so much with AMAZING, honestly incredible teachers this year, most of them being women who I can trust what they say. The classes, each one of them, well with minor exceptions, no all of them, are teaching incredibly rich things that I learn something so beneficial from everyday. I think it's honestly hard to feel God's love and to know Him in the midst of all this. Knowing the things going on in my head, and the worries and anxiety makes it so difficult to feel worthy of God's love. To look inside, and know that Christ really is on the inside of me, changing and growing me.

One thing God has been speaking lately is that He makes beautiful things out of dust. Even now, I feel as if I am trying to redeem myself. Let me just lay out what the Lord has been speaking.

1. Let me wash your feet. Let me love you. In fact it even says that unless you let me do this, you will have no part in me. Goodness, why is this so hard to accept?

2. John 15:9. "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." Abide in me. Rest in me. How I want to.I can't believe it, that He loves me just as much as His father loves Him. Wow. He's been so kind. Even to the point of giving me a song. It's called "Jamie's Song". Some of my favorite lines: "She's the sparkle in her Father's eye, kind of like the moon tonight, She's destined for divinity, a glance his way across her face, amazing grace how sweet the sound, amazing love Oh she's been found. Holy love come raining down, come storming in be jealous found. Sweep fear away, in yours she'll be. Even if He had 99, stayed in home, stayed in line, He would not be satisfied. He would still go out to find the one who's always on His mind and bring her back arms open wide." How I want these words to sink into my heart. Another beautiful song: "Cast all your cares on me, cuz I care for you, cuz all your fountains are in me and I have everything you need, so just keep coming back to me, those who call upon my name, they will not be put to shame, just keep coming back to me. Come to me if your weary and I'll give you rest, my yoke is so easy, my burden is less, my burden is less... Remember I am a rewarder to those who seek me."

"There's not a care in the world when I am trusting you completely. Help me to trust you, help my unbelief, I want to be dependent, I want to be dependent on you" God I WANT THAT! :) but really. I want to learn how to rightfully be compassionate to people. Another cool verse: " I am the Lord, and that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols. See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you. Sing to the Lord a new song, and his praise to the ends of the earth..." Isaiah 42: 8-10. Praise, I must continue to praise Him. How I long to have the answers. But those who look to Him are radiant, their faces will never be covered in shame." Psalm 34:5.

Let's see... other things He's speaking: Zechariah 9:16-17 "The Lord their God will save them on that day as the flock of His people. They will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown. How attractive and beautiful they will be! Grain will make the new rain thrive and new wine the young women." I will sparkle in the land like jewels in a crown. He is so faithful. He is my father. Someone last night said something like "run hard after your father's heart" in a poem and I like started crying. Been feeling like I'm wandering a little. I'm just remembering the Lord is beautiful. He is so beautiful. He makes beauty out of ashes because that's who He is. He makes people like himself when we look at Him. That's who He is. He is faithful to His little ones. He sees my heart, every pain that enters in, every tear that I cry. His heart breaks and He wants to hold me through this. The Lord is excellent in His leadership and in all His ways. He is trustworthy. His is so dependable and protective. I'm in the palm of His hands. He is so tender and beautiful!! I LOVE HIM!!! He really is gentle and kind and makes beautiful things out of DUST. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. Ah, even now Jon Thurlow came on singing..."I know the end of the story I'll come up from the wilderness, leaning on my beloved" And I'll be singing. I will have found my song. It's so high your love, it's so wide your love, it's so deep your love, it's so long your love. Death nor height nor angels nor powers, present things nor things in the future, height nor depth nor any created thing could separate me from your strong love...YOUR STRONG LOVE AND IT'S YOUR STRONG LOVE!!!

I think for fun I will write what I think next year will look like/this summer (as of now): This summer I will work at a church camp as a counselor (honestly I'm just saying this as a possibility) then go to mexico on a missions trip with Bethel. Then, I will be an RC in Livingston and live with people. That I somewhat do believe. Or just an RC somewhere? So ya, I guess I just wanna see how cool God is. I have no ideaaaa!!! O my goodness. But really, I am learning to hear His voice, HE is teaching me how to pray, how to lean into His grace, How to trust Him honestly with everything! I believe He is perfecting me in His love. I believe HE thinks I am beautiful. Dark yet lovely. O and I know He is healing me and how to better love and pray for people. AMEN! praise the Lord, for He is good, his mercy endures forever. Some other thoughts floating in my head are about my dad and high school. weird. God help me.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8. "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. HE will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." I choose to listen to what the Lord says rather than what I say. I will accept His love.

A girl on a quest for God. She is seeking, she is searching. She longs for Him to hold her close. To whisper into her ears. She feels she has to wait. Wait out this barren season. Wait until she is out of the wilderness. She doesn't know He is right there. He is always present. She sees herself as weak. She believes she doesn't have the strength to press on. God is always with her. He will help her at break of day. He longs to be gracious to her. He rises to show her compassion. He sees into the depth of her heart and He likes it. He enjoys it. He sees strength where she sees weakness. Where she has lost hope He sees beauty. He presses deep inside of her, even deeper than she thinks He can go. He does. He is right beside her. So near, so intimate. He delights in her heart. He thinks she is beautiful. He says she can. He sees strength. He sees the span of her life and knows it will all be worth it. He sees how it is going to play out and knows she will be so delighted in the places He is taking her. He knows the deep desires of her heart that she doesn't even know how to express or even think they are valid. He sees them and says yes. Come to me. He likes what He sees. For He created her to be this way. He sees her uniqueness because he created it for His glory and His good purpose. He does not tire of hearing her voice. He does not tire in understanding her. Of sending people her way to show her his love. Oh, precious daughter, there is no flaw in you. Do not despise what I have created in you. It is good, it is for my glory. Beloved, you are precious and honored in my sight. I give men in exchange for your life. That deep longing you have for me, I say yes and amen. Imagine how I feel for you. Hold on, I will show you. The sun will find you. I will bring you into open and spacious lands. Hold on tight my love. I will deliver you because I delight in showing you mercy. It is good. It is good. You're doing great. Come Lord, Jesus.

It's a Strange and Lovely Ride

Jamie, let's go beneath the surface, see what we can find, there's no reason to be nervous, it happens all the time.
I don't need to go up to the mountain, I don't need to go to the depths of the sea, we can sit right here and unravel this mystery.
While the lights of the city are shining below, I'm gonna hold onto you Jamie, and never let you go. While everyone else is just walking around in their sleep, let's dig down, I want to dig down deep.
And I don't want to wait until tomorrow, because the time is now, it's time to figure it out, come, I'll show you how.
let's go out in the moonlight and walk for a while, maybe stay up all night, and we could talk for a while. Kick off your shoes, cause you've got nothing to lose, but your sleep. Let's dig down deep.
It's an open invitation, so Jamie don't be shy. it's a lifelong celebration and you're right on time.
It's that feeling in your heart, that longing in your soul.
What a strange and lovely ride, I want to love you deep inside.

Twas a song my old testament teacher sent us in an e-mail. It's definitley not the exact lyrics, and it's not meant to be about God but I think it relates for sure. I think it's cool that He wants me even more than I want Him. That He's gentle, and He'll hold onto me. He won't let me go. This isn't just a one man show where I'm striving to get to know Him. He's got me. He want's me to know His love more deeply and let it sink in. There's no reason to be scared. He's the God of the universe and He's on my side. He's always ready and it's always the right time. Ok God, let's go deeper.

First one baby!

Well this is exciting. I was inspired to make one of these after reading one's of my dear old friends Katie and Becckah. I thought also since im probably going off to college, this can be a place to write everything or have little updates. idk how much ill enter but enough to keep people updated. Lots of things happen in my life and i want to remember them too cuz ive been seeming to forget everything lately. Anywho, im really tired right now i wanna take a nap but will and his friendsies are playing mario mahh! Prom fashion show today was really fun. i learned im not as a bad a dancer as i thought. well i am but still. i cant think now im too tired. twas fun tho. and church last night was seriously amaaazing! god is so cool how he showed up and it makes me want to really give my EVERYTHING to Him. My weaknesses and strengths everything. Hes definately doing work and im excited to let him do it. as for college im leaning towards lee. like very far towards lee. ya ok im gonna nap now